


you're gone, gone, gone away (i watched you disappear)

by immolationfox



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Gen, One-Sided The Doctor/Jack Harkness, Other, Reunions, The Doctor & Jack Harkness Friendship, can be read as platonic or romantic, he just loves the doctor okay, if this turns out to be canon im going to murder someone, whatever floats your tardis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-27
Updated: 2020-01-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:54:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22438288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/immolationfox/pseuds/immolationfox
Summary: the many lies of jack harkness, and the one time he told nothing but the truth
Relationships: The Doctor & Jack Harkness, The Doctor/Jack Harkness, Thirteenth Doctor & Yasmin Khan & Graham O'Brien & Ryan Sinclair
Comments: 8
Kudos: 72





	you're gone, gone, gone away (i watched you disappear)

**Author's Note:**

> hello i am in agony and also in hell so come join me :)

And there she was, right in right in front of him, tiny and golden and glorious in her too-short trousers and rainbow suspenders, staring at him like she'd seen a ghost. Well. He guessed she probably did. Her mouth made the shape of his name, but no sound came out, and then a grin lit her face up like the sun and she charged forward, barreling into him, snatching at his shoulders, and burying her face in his shoulders. 

Jack caught her with one hand behind her neck, the other wrapping tight around her waist, squeezing her probably too tightly, but her nails were digging into the meat of his shoulders and he didn't care, he didn't care, they were together again.

Belatedly, he registered her shuddering against him. He could feel her hearts racing against his chest, and then he realized she was crying, properly sobbing. And then he realized he was crying too.

"Hey, hey," he said, pulling back so he could look her in the face. "Hey." He wiped at her eyes with his thumbs. "Hey. What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she said, gulping down a breath. "I just- I missed you."

Oh.

"Oh," Jack said, and they were clutching at each other again, and he pressed his lips to her forehead, her temple, and then asked, "How long has it been?" not sure he wanted the answer, probably a couple hundred years or so, but then she stilled in his arms. Peeled back to look at him.

"It's- two- two regenerations."

_ Oh. _

_ "Oh." _

This time, Jack was the one burying his face against her shoulder, and she was squeezing his shoulders - she always had been stronger than she looked - and he said,

"I've got you now. I've got you."

/

Seated on the stairs in the TARDIS, the Doctor leaned into Jack, pressed her face into his neck, and tried not to start crying again. It was just the two of them right now, Yaz and Ryan and Graham back at home. They all needed some time, and the three of them could probably tell that Jack and the Doctor wanted some time to themselves to catch up. 

Jack had one arm curled around her shoulders, the Doctor's fingers snagged in his shirt buttons, and abandoned, lukewarm cups of cocoa sitting by their feet. Gods. It had been so long.

"Why haven't you told them anything?" Jack asked softly, leaning his cheek against her hair. The Doctor swallowed. Tightened her grip on his shirt.

"It's easier if-"

The seconds turned into minutes as she didn't finish her sentence. And then-

"You don't want to lose them-"

"I can't lose anyone else-"

Voices breaking the silence in unison, and then both stopping to let the other speak. Jack rubbed his hand down her arm. 

"Can't lose anyone else," the Doctor murmured. "If they don't know, maybe…"

"It's not easier, though," Jack replied softly. "You can't carry the whole universe by yourself."

The Doctor shook him off, and slid a few feet away.

"Yes, I can. I've been doing it the whole time."

Jack sighed, something close to a scoff, and shook his head, sliding closer, but not touching.

"It's not healthy. You close yourself off when you need help the most."

The Doctor shot to her feet, fiddled with a few levers on the TARDIS console. Her breaths came in short bursts. She didn't want to listen, but she knew he was telling the truth.

"It's to protect them. I have to protect them, I can't let anyone else-"

"Die because of you?" Jack interrupted, following her to the console. "Doctor, believe it or not, but if they didn't want to be here, they wouldn't be here."

_ Rose, Mickey, Martha, Donna, Amy, Rory, Clara, Bill, River. _

"Believe me," she ground out, spinning out of reach. "I know."

Jack, incessant, annoying, dear Jack, just kept following, inches out of reach.

"Then  _ trust them.  _ Trust isn't a one way street."

"My trust might get them killed!" the Doctor shouted, whirling on Jack, shoving a finger in his chest.

"That hasn't stopped you from bringing anyone on board, has it?" Jack roared back, and then they both stopped moving, the Doctor's hand pinned to his chest by his hand.

_ Rose, Mickey, Martha, Donna, Amy, Rory, Clara, Bill, River. _

"Fuck," Jack breathed, closing his eyes.

"Fuck," the Doctor agreed. 

_ Rose, Mickey, Martha, Donna, Amy, Rory, Clara, Bill, River. _

Slowly, like he didn't want to break her, fragile as they both were, he drew the Doctor closer. Held her softly, gently, tightly.

"I'm sorry," he said.

_ Rose, Mickey, Martha, Donna, Amy, Rory, Clara, Bill, River. _

_ Jack. _

"No," she said, clutching at his shoulders and steadfastly ignoring the quiver in her tone. "I'm sorry. You're right."

_ RoseMickeyMarthaDonnaAmyRoryClaraBillRiver- _

_ Yaz, Ryan, Graham? _

"When do their names join the list?" the Doctor asked the empty space over Jack's shoulder, voice breaking. Jack's arms tightened at her waist, one hand coming up to cup the back of her head.

"When it's their time."

/

Yaz, Ryan, and Graham were huddled together off to the side, watching Jack follow the Doctor in circles around the console as she rambled to him about different ways she was trying to track the Master, bouncing ideas off him, and then off her, in an endless loop of feedback and insane ideas. Yaz crossed her arms. 

"Are we being replaced?" she asked.

"I feel like Woody," Ryan said. "Y'know. From Toy Story." He pointed at Jack. "Buzz Lightyear."

Graham scoffed.

"Come on. The Doc wouldn't replace us, don't be ridiculous."

In unison, Yaz and Ryan raised an eyebrow.

"Did'ya know there were apparently a whole list of 'companions-'" Yaz drew air quotes around the word- "before us? Are we replacing someone else?"

The Doctor bounced over before anyone could say anything else and said,

“I’m just going to pop outside for some quick readings. Stay here with Jack, and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do! Actually- don’t do anything I  _ would _ do, and don’t do anything I  _ wouldn’t _ do. Small gray area for ya all to play in.” 

She beamed, then bounded away. The three of them wandered over to the console, where Jack stood, fiddling with some screens. He glanced up when they approaching, giving them a charming smile, before turning back to the screens. Yaz cut to the chase.

“Are you replacing us?” she asked bluntly. 

Jack looked up, startled.

“Of course not!” he replied, genuine surprise and confusion coloring his tone. “Why would you ask that?”

“Because you waltz in here like a ghost from the past and suddenly she’s talking to  _ you  _ and not  _ us. _ ”

Jack sighed, fiddled with the TARDIS.

“And why do you get to mess with the controls, and we don’t,” Ryan added.

“Oh, those both have the same answer,” Jack replied, without taking his eyes off the TARDIS. “I have known the Doctor for a very, very long time. I just haven’t seen her in a while.”

“So, what, is there a punch card for seniority?” Graham asked. “I think I should qualify for a few more points, don’t you reckon?”

Jack laughed. 

“I still have way more points than you do.”

“How come?” Yaz asked.

Jack grinned rakishly. 

“I can’t die.”

That shut them up for a few long seconds. Jack sighed, jaunty attitude dropping. He stopped messing with the screens and turned to face them properly.

“Listen,” he said. “I didn’t come here to replace anyone. No one that ever travels with the Doctor is a  _ replacement.  _ Every one of you mean something important to her.”

He let that sink in before continuing.

“The Doctor doesn’t like to talk about her past, because her past is full of loss and betrayal and actions she’d rather not remember. It’s just been harder for her because her past has been showing up - me, for instance,” Jack added ruefully, “and she’s- she’s just trying to protect her. You didn’t know her when she was younger. She doesn’t like to lie. She just- it’s harder for her now that it was even then. She’s lost so many people and she thinks its all her fault, and no matter what anyone says, it’s not going to help. The Doctor needs people around her, and knows this, but she doesn’t like it because inevitably, you’re going to leave in one way or another. You just need to be… gentle with her.”

Admittedly, Yaz, Ryan, and Graham all knew deep down the Doctor would never replace any of them, and to hear it put like that just made them feel shameful.

“Don’t feel too bad,” Jack said lightly, turning back to his screen. “This is all just part of being her friends.”

/

_ Rose, Mickey, Martha, Donna, Amy, Rory, Clara, Bill, River. _

_ RoseMickeyMarthaDonnaAmyRoryClaraBillRiver- _

_ “JACK!” _

Jack caught her easily when she collided into him, tears already filling her eyes. He held her closely, bent over to press his forehead to her shoulder. This was it. This was- he squeezed her once, then pulled back to look at her face. He cradled her face in his hands.

“Jack, no. Jack- Jack, I don’t want to  _ go _ ,” she cried, fingers fisted in the lapels of his coat. 

He swiped the falling tears from her eyes, bent down and kissed her once, twice, softer than he’d ever kissed anyone. He loved her. He had always loved the Doctor, and he was never going to stop.

“You have to,” he said, pulling away and pressing their foreheads together. “You have to, I know it’s hard, I’ll find you again, I promise.”

“Jack,” she said, said his name again as he took a step back, and she followed, still clutching his coat. “Jack, please.”

If he kissed her again, he would never leave. The Doctor had to get out of here. She had to go.

“Doctor, please,” he said. “You have to  _ go _ ,” and the inscrutable Jack Harkness’s voice broke in pieces on the last word. “I’ll see you again. We’ll see each other again.”

“ _ I _ won’t,” she sobbed, as his coat pulled free of her fingers. “You’ll find the Doctor, but not  _ me _ .”

Jack’s brows furrowed, fighting back tears as her fingers caught on his.

“I’ll find you,” he swore, “I’ll find you, Doctor-”

Gone.

/

_ RoseMickeyMarthaDonnaAmyClaraBillRiverYazRyanGraham- _

_ Jack _

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for coming to hell, come by again soon!


End file.
